Cultivating A Safe-Space: A Place of Peace and Healing Just for You

In the world we live in today, we deal, with sometimes constant, stress. We may not get breaks from work, parenting, or other life obligations, that would help relieve stress. This can be extremely frustrating, and if you are dealing with the aftermath of trauma on top of this, finding a safe space may feel difficulty. If there is not an actual place in your physical world that feels completely safe and nurturing, than creating one in your mind may be incredibly helpful. This space can be anything you want. It can be a beach, your backyard on a clear summer night, or a place completely made of fantasy.

Over the years I have created many of these safe places and they have either adapted or changed all together as I have moved across the country, created new relationships, or when the safe space no longer serves me

This place can be anything you want it to be with anyone you want to be there. If you have difficulty imagining a peaceful place, you can take the internet for inspiration. You can search for beautiful outdoor locations, exotic hotel rooms, the night sky through an observatory, any place that ignites a sense of belonging, safety, and peace for you.

The following are some questions you can think upon or write about to help you better visualize your space.

• What do you see around you? Are you inside or outside? What are the most prominent colors? Are you alone or with people? Is this a realistic place or one of fantasy?

• What sounds can you hear? Any ambient noises or sounds of nature? What are the loudest or quietest sounds you hear there?

• What can you feel? Are you standing or laying down? Can you feel the wind, the ground below you? Is the environment warm, cool, humid, or dry?

• Do you taste anything? A drink? Fruit or Sweets? Can you taste the air, like before it rains?

• What can you smell? Can you smell the room around you, the soft fragrance of clean air or smells from the kitchen? If outside, can you smell the grass, the ocean/lake, the flowers around you?

Add as many senses as you can to the experience. You do not have to have all five senses impacted, because some places don't have a smell, or something to taste. You can combine the image (created or imagined) and all the senses you feel and begin to create your space.

I have a few places I go to when I need some relief from stress. One of my favorites is a beach, somewhere in the Caribbean with deep blue and turquoise waters that blends into blue topaz waves gently crashing onto the shore. There are a couple palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze. Here is an example of the senses I experience in this safe space:

• I can hear the palm tree branches swaying in the gentle breeze and the gentle waves crashing onto the shore. The waves are in sync with my breath. As I inhale the water goes out to the ocean, and as I exhale the waves gently crash onto the shore.

  • If I have been experiencing isolation (purposeful or not) I imagine a few people farther down the beach, quietly enjoying their day

• I can see the sapphire and turquoise waters as they blend into waves, and the light topaz waters as they crash on the shore. I can see my skin glistening in the sun, the gazeebo I am laying under. I can see any people further down the beach, and this makes me feel peaceful that others are also enjoying this space.

  • if you prefer to be alone, you can! If you want to be surrounded by others, you can! You control who enters and stays in your safe-space.

• I can feel my warm skin, the gentle breeze caressing my skin as it passes by. I can feel the soft towel covering the beach chair. I can feel the difference between the shade under the gazebo and the parts of my skin being touched by the sun. I can feel the drink in my right hand, I can feel where the ice is in the glass, versus the cold beverage.

• I can taste the salty, ocean air and the gentle push of fresh air as the breeze passes by. I can taste the drink in my right hand, a pineapple and mango juice with coconut milk.

• I can smell the salty air and the surrounding fresh air almost in waves as the water crashes to the shore. I can smell the drink I am holding, sunscreen I am wearing and the wood of the gazebo.

Combining all of these senses I can lay in this place for as little or as long as I need. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have taken a 15-30 second beach vacation as I raised a toddler. It has taken me a while to cultivate the full breath of this place, and as I have gone through changes in my life, so too have my safe-spaces. My first safe-space was a city park, slightly filled with quiet families and couples walking along alternate paths. It had flowers every where, beautiful trees, and a bench to rest on across from a beautiful water fountain that poured forth cool, healing water. I would walk further down to a river walk. There would be a bucket or basket of rocks there that I tossed in one by one, watching them get carried down stream. As the bucket held fewer and fewer rocks, I was filled with less and less worry, fear, or stress. In my early days of cultivating a safe-space, I felt unsafe, it was a blotchy image, often fading in and out. I felt there were people there I didn't need or the weather was bleak. Over time, as I imagined this space and added more details associated with my senses it became a place of sanctuary from a world I felt was too stressful.

I hope this post helps you to feel confident in your ability to cultivate a safe-space that is just yours. Whether you visit for seconds or minutes, it is yours to visit any time you need relief from the world around you. Over time, as you begin to envision this place, it will become clearer and more tangible to you. It will become a place so very real to you, a place where you have no worries, nothing to do, no triggers or stressors, just peace and healing.